Good Leads and Bad Leads

Good Leads

Last in service, first in profit margin
When you purchase a ticket to fly America’s fastest-growing and most-

criticized airline, here is what you get: a seat, a mini-tray table, free use of the bathroom, room for your legs, maybe even some room for your knees.You pay for everything else. A printed boarding pass is $10. Water is $3. The right to bring a carry-on is at least $35. And checked bags? Spirit Airlines was charging for those seven years ago, back when it still seemed unusual.

This lead is good because it is both funny and understandable. When I go traveling I have to deal with how airlines give little room between seats, no food, and charge for every little piece of luggage you have; so this article immediately caught my attention. The lead is written like an ad trying to get the reader to buy into this terrible airline. It's easy to read, with simple wording and proper punctuation. And even though the reader doesn't know which airline the article is talking about, until the last sentence, it keeps you guessing and wanting to know what airline charges $35 for a carry on bag? 

Humanist group: Air Force airman denied reenlistment

An airman stationed at Creech Air Force Base in Indian Springs, Nev., was denied reenlistment because he omitted the part of a required oath that states “so help me God,” according to a letter from the American Humanist Association. The letter was sent on Tuesday to the Air Force’s Office of the Inspector General on behalf of an unnamed airman.

This lead is straight and to the point, and gives you enough information in the first sentence. It tells you who was denied enlistment into the Air Force, where it took place, why the person was denied and how this information was found. The second sentence gives a bit more information, but I could tell the next person about the main points of this story just based on the first sentence. The lead follows the structure of the inverted pyramid and is very clear in wording. It uses simple words which doesn't leave the reader stumbling and pausing trying to figure out what the article is trying to say. 

Bad Lead 

Apple will no longer unlock most iPhones, iPads for police
Apple late Wednesday said it is making it impossible for the company to turn over data from most iPhones or iPads to police — even when they have a search warrant — taking a hard new line as tech companies attempt to blunt allegations that they have too readily participated in government efforts to collect user data.

This lead is bad due it's poor writing structure, lack of punctuation and too much information being given at once. There are no commas to help the reader pause and take in what they are reading, nor is there any end to the sentence. A lot of the information could be broken up into other sentences making it easier to read. Also the last few lines of the sentence hardly make any sense due to the use of academic wording, with one difficult word following the other, making the reader want to quit reading.

Rewrite 

 Apple is making it impossible to turn over data from iPhones or iPads over to the police. Late Wednesday, Apple said even if the police presented a search warrant to access consumer data they would refuse to submit. This refusal is due to claims that Apple has given data information to the government too easily.