Good Leads vs Bad Leads
The first article is about the
recent controversy over the red stained Kent State sweatshirt that
Urban Outfitters was selling. You can read the story
here.
Lead: “Get it or regret it!” read the
description for a “vintage,” one-of-a-kind Kent State sweatshirt
that Urban Outfitters briefly offered for just $129. However, the
fact that there was just one available for purchase is far from the
most regrettable part of the item: the shirt was decorated with a
blood spatter-like pattern, reminiscent of the 1970 “Kent State
Massacre” that left four people dead.
I think this makes
a good lead. First, it's engaging. It captures my attention quickly.
I automatically want to know what the controversy is behind the Urban
Outfitters sweatshirt besides its expense. In terms of content, I
think it is able to tell me a lot of information without it being too
much or hard to understand. I also think that the way the writer put
in the little piece of history about the Kent State Massacre is a
great way to give a little bit of context. In terms of structure, it
seems to be a combination of a descriptive lead and a contrast lead.
I also think it's very clearly written. It has a conversational tone
and contains simple language.
The next article is about what was at the
core of the United States Men's Basketball Team's gold medal win:
their teammate Paul George and American pride. Read the article here.
Lead: As Kyrie Irving waited to walk
outside the Palacio de Deportes de la Comunidad doors late Sunday
night, hordes of screaming fans and a rumbling bus both demanding his
presence, he was well aware of what lie ahead. LeBron James, for one,
and all the welcome expectations that will come with being such a big
part of the new-look Cleveland Cavaliers team in the next NBA season.
But the 22-year-old who had deemed this his most meaningful moment
had only two things on his mind: the FIBA World Cup gold medal that
Team USA won in such dominating fashion against Serbia (129-92) and
his gone-but-not-forgotten friend, the Indiana Pacers' Paul George.
I think that this makes a good
lead. It is more of a descriptive lead. But, it also adds some
elements of a picture lead. The combination allows the reader to
paint the picture and quickly become engaged. I also think that
telling it through Kyrie Irving's point of view creates a clearer
picture. It also makes it appealing and interesting to read. In terms
of content, I think it can quickly tell me a lot of information. I
also think it is very clearly written. It has a conversational tone
and contains simple language.
The next article is about some of the
complex issues in the Middle East and how it has affected the efforts
of the United States. Read the article here.
Lead: The Middle East has confounded
outsiders for years, so it is no surprise that another U.S.-led
project with a straightforward goal — destroying a marauding
organization of extremists — is bumping up against age-old
rivalries and a nod-and-a-wink-style political culture.
I think this is a bad lead. First, it
is not very clearly written. It has too many adjectives that could be
interpreted as opinions. It also is not written in a conversational
tone. So, it takes a few reads to understand what the author is
trying to say. I think the structure of it, with the hyphens in the
middle, also makes it hard to read. It is also 40 words which makes
it a little too long. It contains a lot in terms of content. It would
be better if it was broken up into two different paragraphs.
If it was rewritten, it could look
like:
The Middle East has confused many
people outside the situation for years. So, it is not a surprise that
this new U.S.-led project is conflicting with old issues and a
specific political culture.
The next article is about the recent racist
comments from the Atlanta Hawks general manager Danny Ferry and the
greater discussion that needs to be had. You can read the article
here.
Lead: It would be a colossal mistake for
everyone, most of all Danny Ferry, if a basketball lifer’s
culturally and racially insensitive comments regarding Luol Deng
became a casualty in the Great War Against People Who Might Be Donald
Sterling.
I think this is a
bad lead. First, it contains words that could be interpreted as
opinions. It also is not written in a conversational tone. Nobody
uses the words basketball lifer or describes an incident as a
casualty. I think structurally its okay it is 40 words which makes it
a little too long. It is a little wordy and in terms of content, it
could be simplified even more. The main point is missing the way it
reads now.
If it was
rewritten, it could look like:
It would be wrong
for everyone if Danny Ferry's culturally and racially insensitive
comments about Luol Deng were put aside and not discussed.
No comments:
Post a Comment