Opening: “Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen said a large share of American families with few assets to fall back on remain ‘extraordinarily vulnerable,’ even after five years of economic recovery.”
Analysis: The opening here is strong. By explaining everything we need to know in one sentence, the reporter provides the important information such as the name of the Federal Reserve Chair, Janet Yellen. Additionally, the quote provides a strong two-word quote that encourages the reader to continue.
Opening: “As a black sedan pulled into downtown Washington traffic earlier this week, a man in the back seat with a specially outfitted smartphone in each hand was watching for signs of surveillance in action. ‘Whoa, we’ve just been hit twice on this block,’ he said, excitement rising in his voice, not far from FBI headquarters.”
Analysis: This opening is gripping. By using vivid language such as “black sedan pulled into downtown Washington traffic,” and “specially outfitted smartphone in each hand…signs of surveillance in action.” By telling a story, the author successfully grabs the reader and makes the story seem interesting enough for the reader to continue.
Opening: “Voters from across Scotland streamed into polling places Thursday to have their say in a historic referendum that could create the world’s newest independent nation, while breaking up one of the West’s oldest and most consequential political unions.”
Analysis: The authors of this article did not successfully grab readers nor did they provide an interesting summary of the information they presented in the article. By using non-conversational, complex language such as “consequential political unions,” they alienate many readers.
Re-write: “Scottish voters went to the polls Thursday to decide whether or not they wanted to separate from the United Kingdom. The historic vote could split one of the most powerful nations in the world.”
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